A few months ago, Brent and I tied the knot. It was…perfect. Absolutely and in every way.
But internally, while I was surrounded by all of this perfection, my mind raced. So many thoughts and feelings.
They sounded and felt a little something like this…
The Morning Of
1.) Zzzzzz….. (*alarm blasts waking you from sweet, sweet slumber*)
2.) Five more minutes…no…WAIT. I’M GETTING MARRIED TODAY.
3.) WE’RE GETTING MARRIED TODAY!
4.) HOLY SHIT WE’RE GETTING MARRIED TODAY!
5.) Note to self: Do not forget deodorant. Also wear a button down shirt so you don’t jack up your hair like some animal.
6.) Headpiece? Check. Jewelry? Check. Random assortment of pharmacy essentials in the event of a sudden headache diarrhea indigestion attack? Check.
On the Commute
7.) Let’s go get spiffed up! OMG. What if there’s construction? PLEASE DON’T LET THERE BE A DARK RED LINE ON THE MAP, GOOGLE!
8.) WHY ARE WE STOPPING?!
9.) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (stares at sea of brake lights).
10.) God? Are you there? It’s me – a frazzled bride in search of meaning and a clear roadway.
11.) If you let this traffic pass and I’m not late for everything, throwing off the entire flow of the day and ruining it for everyone, I’ll be eternally grateful!
12.) What’s this? MOVEMENT?!
13.) Whew. False alarm. We’re moving again. People will make it to the wedding and we won’t have to eat 900 pounds of shrimp by ourselves (though that wouldn’t be so bad…)
Getting Hair & Makeup
14.) IMMA LOOK SO PREEEEETTTTYYYYY.
15.) Why did I never learn to use a curling iron like a real person?
16.) Maybe I should give YouTube another shot. BRING ON THE HAIR TUTORIAL VIDEOS.
17.) Can you just be here to do my hair every day?
18.) Do celebrities have healthy hair with all of that styling and hot tool usage?
19.) Who am I kidding? I won’t suddenly start doing my own hair. I’ll watch YouTube videos and mourn.
20.) Ooo! This makeup looks delightful!
21.) Why don’t I wear makeup more often?
22.) Oh, yeah. Because it takes time and effort.
23.) My eyes are…how you say…on fleek?
24.) Brow game is strong today.
25.) OMG I LOOK SO GOOD!
26.) I’m like a fairy princess in this flower crown.
27.) *sneaks peek in another mirror* WOOOOOOO!
28.) Okay. Now what?
29.) I’m going to watch my friends and family get their hair and makeup done too!
28.) *fidget* *fidget* *fidget* WHEW. OKAY. THIS IS REAL.
29.) Everyone looks so great!
30.) *hears Madonna’s “Like a Prayer”* LIFE IS A MYSTERYYYYYYY
31.) Where is Madonna right now? She’s probably not in an Ulta. I’m in an Ulta.
32.) I’m so happy this button down fits me right now. #buttongap
33.) OOOOOOOH! I LIKE THIS COLOR LIP GLOSS.
34.) *sniffs every perfume*
35.) Imma dance right now right here.
36.) UH UH UH UH GET DOWN
37.) Okay, Mom. I’ll stop.
38.) CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP
39.) Why is my stomach so flip floppy?
40.) Flip floppy. Flip floppy. Such a weird phrase. Andy Samberg.
41.) I’M ON A BOAT!
42.) We’re all ready? Awesome! Great!
43.) GONNA RIDE OR DIE WITH MY MAIN GIRL, MAMA BEAR
44.) This car feels so hot. It’s October. What is this nonsense?!
45.) *cracks window* No. Yes. No. YES.
46.) Aww, Mom. You’re getting me all teary looking over here!
47.) I CAN’T BELIEVE TODAY IS ACTUALLY HERE AND MY MOM IS IN THE CAR AND EVERYTHING IS AWESOME.
48.) Wow – we’re here already. That went quick!
49.) ALRIGHT. DRESS TIME. LET’S DO THIS.
50.) Wait. Gotta put on deodorant again.
51.) Wait. Gotta brush my teeth.
52.) Wait. Gotta change bras into that undergarment thing I paid way too much money for but is integral to the structure and shape of my dress.
53.) Getting married is a con.
54.) SO MUCH MONEY. BUT I LOOK SO GOOD RIGHT NOW.
55.) Okay. Dress. On. Yes.
56.) This is slipping.
57.) Anyone have a safety pin!?
58.) Okay. Dress is stable. WHOA. PRINCESS ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!
59.) No, Mom, don’t cry! If you cry, I’ll cry too!
60.) I wish I brought a sweater. Might get a chill.
61.) My Nanny would be proud. I’m in her pearls and thinking about cardigans.
62.) Okay. I’m dressed. I’m ready. LET’S DO THIS.
63.) How do I sneak out without Brent seeing me? I know he’s next door…
64.) Is the coast clear? The coast is clear. Let’s book.
65.) Wow, walking in a dress like this is…interesting.
66.) HELLO CO-WORKER/FRIEND/CLASSMATE IN THE ELEVATOR WHO I INVITED TO THE WEDDING. THIS ISN’T WEIRD AT ALL.
67.) Am I ready for this? I’m ready for this.
68.) Do I need to pee? No. I’m good. This is just nervousness.
69.) Everyone is looking at me in the lobby. How…do….I….respond to this?
70.) Do not close dress in car door. Do not close dress in car door. Do not close dress in car door.
71.) Do not mess up hair. Do not mess up hair. Do not mess up hair.
72.) *smile at Mom*
73.) I can’t believe it’s here already.
74.) It’s all happening.
75.) This is the best day. I’m with the best people. Everything is the best.