Oh no. They’ve started.
The wedding nightmares. The moments of sheer panic when I wake up in a cold sweat because I’ve shown up to my own wedding and I’ve forgotten a critical piece.
The other night, I had a series of (sort of) nightmares consisting of me forgetting something for the big day, me running around feeling stressed, and me not being able to pay the bill. Subliminal messaging much?
My body is clearly telling me something. I need to slow down. I need to take a deep breath and relax. I’ve got some time to figure things out and anything can happen between now and then. I need to chill. I need to stop over-thinking everything. I also need to remember to be rational.
This is the part of wedding planning they didn’t tell you.
I consider myself to be a mostly practical, if not overly analytical, bride. I’ve weighed my options thoroughly. I have a clear idea of some of what I want and what I don’t want. I refuse to go into debt to pay for the big day. I’ve researched, researched, and researched some more. I’ve laid out my choices so that it’ll be easy to make them as I go along. All of these things I’ve known from the beginning – so why am I now falling prey to the craziness?
There’s a part of me that thinks that this an anticipation quirk.
Maybe it’s a buildup where nothing is happening so I feel like I’m not accomplishing anything.
Or maybe it’s the reading I’ve been doing after hours, looking at DIY tips and ways to save money while still having a kickass time.
Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve got pieces already figured out, like rings and a dress, bridal party and venue, my bouquet.
Getting married is feeling more real – and it’s a good feeling.
I feel good when I think about tying the knot with Brent, because there’s not another person on this little blue and green planet that I’d rather spend my time with. I’m not scared of our future.
What I’m finding myself to be frustrated with is the expectations and overwhelming amount of options. Everyone has been so great and so helpful, but with so many opinions, it’s hard to determine which way I want to go.
I need to practice those mantras I set down for myself when I first got engaged.
C’mon, Mandy. You’re smarter than this. You know that you shouldn’t be stressing yourself out.
And you know what? By the end of writing this, I’m already feeling better. I’m not feeling so scatterbrained. I know I’ve got this. It’s going to be a great day, no matter what.
Who gives a damn about what the ceiling looks like in the venue? Or what color the invitations will be. It’s. just. not. important. (Yet everything around me keeps pushing and pushing saying that it is, even though I know it isn’t.)
I have to remember that despite what I see all over Pinterest and wedding blogs and everywhere in between, the details are great – but they’re not what makes the day. It’s about love and the future and all of those good things that make life worthwhile.
Let’s shift our focus to that, shall we?